We finally have a guest entry! Thanks to Emma from Val d’Or who crafted a phenomenal short story utilizing all 40 of our poop smoothie clues… no easy feat, and hilariously achieved. And extra thanks again to the Val d’Or crew: Mark, Cindy, Emma, Oliver, Sophie, and their pup, Awesome Dawson.
Poop smoothie, for those of you who don’t yet know, is an awesome game that our friend Yakov introduced us to many moons ago, near the start of this adventure, in Washington, DC. Turns out Quebeckers love it too! (We’ve emboldened the forty clues, and yes, “instant runoff voting” was in the bowl twice.)
Enjoy; this is way better than Mad Libs.
Jesus Christ and Darth Vader were hanging out one cold Monday night in Val d’Or, Québec.
Darth looked up from his newspaper and exclaimed, “I can hardly wait for the New England Patriots game tonight. Real happiness shared — right buddy?”
Jesus shifted uncomfortably under his blanket, sipped his hot chocolate and replied, “Actually I though we might watch “The Godfather” on DVD.”
Darth rolled his eyes sarcastically and responded, “Weeeeeeeee – the third time this month!”
“Why be mean?” pouted Jesus. “It’s not all about football and Grand Prix racing you know.”
Darth took a deliberate bite out of the Big Mac he had salvaged from a nearby McDonald’s dumpster earlier in the evening. “Christ — how many times do I have to tell you — it’s NASCAR in America! I suppose you want to talk about instant runoff voting in Montevideo, Uruguay again!”
Jesus was upset and stared at the marshmallow swimming in his drink a few seconds before snapping back. “I’m sick and tired of your ambivalence towards catastrophic climate change.”
“What the hell does that have to do with instant runoff voting?!” demanded Darth. “You might as well be talking about the Spanish Anarchy, 1937?!”
Jesus wrinkled his nose and sniffed, “I suppose you don’t like it when I listen to ‘Leonard Cohen Afterworld‘ on Radio Canada either!”
“That’s the problem with Jewish guys like you and Leonard — you never got over what the Roman Empire did to you so you hide behind linguistic elitism!” shot back Darth.
“No Fascism Please!” whined Jesus. “If you had ever gone to school you would understand that you are just a science fiction character, just like a unicorn.”
Darth was really angry now. He screamed back, “Oh here comes the sixteen soporific soliloquies. How can you talk about that stuff when you won’t acknowledge the criminal intent of hitchhiking with hatchets or guillotines in Iraq?”
Jesus could feel the heat of the lamp on his neck. He answered meekly. “Everything is everyone’s — Le jambon et le fromage?” and offered over a mouldy ham and cheese sandwich.
Darth took the peace offering, let go a wicked fart under his coat and muttered, “Maudit câlice de tabarnac– notre français risible.”
Their desultory silence was interrupted by a little white dog that chased a pink dragon into the room, around the TV and back out of the doorway.
“Dude,” said Darth as he rubbed his eyes in disbelief, ”We gotta stop dropping that citric acid!”
“Amen Brother!” confirmed Jesus.